I hate you email app.

DAMMIT J.CREW
It is like they know when I am in my desperate hour of need.
When my willpower has hit a low point.
WHY?!?!

I hate you exam week.
I hate you credit card bill
And I HATE you J.Crew emails.

Okay so I have been eyeing this necklace for a few months now. Seriously when I say eyeing it I really mean stalking the absolute mess out of it to see when it goes on sale. So it finally, after three long months of waiting, went on sale. Did I buy it? NOPE. I was so freaking proud. Like more proud than a freshman high school student not falling down the stairs their first day. I had some awesome willpower going and I knew it. The daily emails kept taunting me "spend 150 and get 25% off" or "spend $250 and get 30% off!" I knew my limits and I stuck to them.

So what happened? Where did my official demise begin?
Well let me tell you it was not pretty. That is for sure.

So here I am minding my own freaking business then all of the sudden my phone makes that awful buzzing noise telling me I have yet another annoying email.
"BUZZZZzZzzzZZZ"
Okay so cool more match.com emails. Whatever. Delete. Delete. Del...
STOP.
"A single near you would like to get to know you"
HAHAH. Creepers.
delete. delete. delete delete delete delete.
Crappity crap, crap crap.
What was that J.Crew?
30% off??
Free shipping??
NO "YOU MUST SPEND THIS TO GET THIS PERCENT OFF?!?!?!
Oh my god Becky.
Heaven.

Well. There went my willpower and my next meal. Ramen sounds good for the next few days?

How could they do this to me? They KNEW my exams were this week. They knew my stress level it at an all time high. They know my bank account is dead. And they know my ex just found another girl before I did ( yes this makes me mad because I was supposed to be the one who found someone first!). Why would they hit me at my lowest point?! What is this madness.

Yes I bought the necklace.
....And a sweater (because it is cold in London. Duh.)
.................and some shoes..........(again. super cold. like brrrrrrr.)

I hate you, you stupid email application on my phone. You have been my ultimate demise. I HATE YOU.

Yoga Pants

So here is the deal.
I pride myself on being a somewhat fashionable person
Hopefully someone would tell me if it looked like my outfit got hit with the ugly stick.
And I always at least try to look presentable, in case I run into Ryan Gosling (swooooooon).
But during finals week all bets are OFF.

For example.
This morning I had to turn in a final at 8 AM. 8 am. I mean really who in the world gets up that early?! Plus I live at least 30 minutes away from campus which means I had to be up at the crack of dawn. UGH.
So here is what happens:
1. I roll out of bed. Literally do a barrel roll.
2. Drag myself to the bathroom to get ready while rubbing the sleep out of my eyes
    which turned out to be mascara and let me tell you that stuff freaking hurts like bee sting when it gets into        your eyes.
3. Throw on a bra and my yoga pants.
4. attempt to put on some makeup even though my eyes are still on fire.
5. Give up on makeup.
6. Throw up my hair into this pretty rough messy bun thing.
7. Run out the door because I am late and hop in my car to drive thirty minutes to turn a project for five minutes just to turn around and come back home. MOST POINTLESS DRIVE EVER.
8. Come home and go back to sleep.

Yeah so I looked like a hobo that really likes Victoria's Secret this morning.
Why VS? Because their yoga pants are AMAZING. That is why.

My brain is literally being fried and so is my fashion. Finals week is not for the faint of heart.
Literally.
The only time you will ever see me "bumming" it is when it is either finals week or I just got done teaching a Pilates class (yes I used to teach) but even with pilates at least my pants coordinate with my sports bra. During finals all color combos are on.

SO.
In case you were wondering why I have not posted in a while, mom, it is because it is finals week. AHHASDFAKLSDFLKASD.  That is my brain. Screaming in pain. I will give you an update in the end of just how many brain cells got fried thanks to my accounting exam.

This picture explains my studying habits:

New Years Dilemma

So I have a major problem.
And I mean major.
More major than "The Great Gatsby" movie getting pushed back another year.
We are talking MAJOR.

I do not have a New Year's Eve outfit.
See. Major issue.

So due to some recent events in my sucky love life it is CLEAR I am in need of a kick ass new year's dress. I mean I am talking a glittered crazed out hot as sin dress in a perfect hue and shade of some amazing color.
You would think with all of the millions of dresses out there it really would not be that hard to find the right one. WRONG. I made you a list of factors:

1. Price. This is problem number one because when you fall in love with a beautiful hip hugging, LBD number it is hard to walk away. It is like Louboutin shoes. They are probably the most perfect pair you have ever seen in your life but when you flip them over and see their $2500 price tag ON SALE you just have to walk away (for those of you who do not know what this is come out from under your stupid rock and google it.) But even for those of us that are recovered shopoholics it is still an extremely hard gesture.

2. Length, yes this should be a factor. It is incredibly hard finding a dress between the lengths of Amish and is longer than your underwear. you do not want to be asked where someone can find the nearest retirement home on new years. That being said you also do not want a prostitute telling me to put some clothes on. Now that is when you know you have some self esteem issues (see Ugly Christmas Sweater blog for more information).

3. Sparkles. If your dress puts Taylor Swift's to shame, you probably have too many.

4. Cleavage ratio. Lets try and keep it classy please. It is embarrassing enough when a celebrity has a nip slip but when you do it is just plain sad. Keep it in your dress please. Pam Anderson should not be your muse on a somewhat dignified holiday.

5.  Color. Honestly just stay away from the pea greens please.

So there you have it. These five factors, along with many others, are what keep me in line with trying to buy a dress. With all of these things constantly plotting against one another the search for a dress because more of a Sparta challenge.

Sorry this post is so short and a little less witty than normal. I am too busy shamelessly searching the internet for that perfect party dress. So far? No luck. It is going to be a long night.

Damn. I forgot one major freaking factor...

6. SHAPE. of the dress of course.
What to pick? Do you want to be super trendy and go for the come back once every ten years peplum? Do you want to play it safe with the always in style but kind of boring A-Line? What about the cutout? And long sleeve or short sleeve??? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO PICK?! AHHHHHHHHHHH.
Commence Stress level through the roof.

Ugly Holiday Sweaters

So I returned those leopard  print pants
And I learned how to ride a bike all in one day.
If you count a super weird mini bike that made my legs stick out and do this weird grasshopper thing.
Woah!

Yeah so I finally returned them. They were so adorable but I am really proud of myself  for saying no. NO pants you will NOT own me. I am the stronger person. I am the alpha dog!!

Okay so actually,
I almost cried when I had to give them up.

That was possibly one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. I loved those pants, I felt a connection with them. Then I have to return them like this?? It is the saddest thing in the world, well besides like cancer and my savings account. It was a very sad day in my world none the less. BUT I am super proud of myself!


So getting back to the topic "ugly sweater parties" I will explain to you all that read this, which is my mom and my bestfriend (HI MOM), exactly why I am so interested in ugly Christmas sweaters.

1. Because come on if you can pull off a hideous turtlenecked out lights dancing reindeer with bows all over it sweater you can pull off pretty much anything.
   -Some of you really can not pull off anything so please do not try. This blog does not make it okay for you         to wear something that would make your grandmother cry. Although in my case my grandmother pretty much cries every time she sees what color my hair is that month. Mean old bat.

2. It is pretty hilarious really. I went to an ugly Christmas sweater party and the dude's sweater had a pocket for candy canes. How hilarious is that!? It is basically a sweater for Americans. Like "look ma' I can sit on the couch wearing my christmasy sweater with old sandy clause on it and have a pouch for my beer and my candy canes!" See. HILARIOUS.

3. It shows you have a pretty kick ass outlook of yourself. If you are not afraid to wear your polyester holiday sweater with it's glorious cats batting at santa's jolly sleigh then you madam, or sir for you josh! <3, have some serious self esteem issues. You need to up the "beautiful" by Christina Aguilera and get your sassy gay friend on!

4. Let the inner hipster come out. They are all hidden somewhere inside of us, as much as you hate to admit it. Occasionally they like to show themselves with your 105 degree white chocolate peppermint latte no whip from starbucks or from your tacky christmas sweater. Let them out! They need to be free, although you did "free" so six years ago.
  -Side note: Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee?
    because he drank it before it was cool.
     hahahahhahhaha HA HAhuh ha.... welll then.

So there you have it.
Look how classy this beautiful sweater is!
Just look at the majesticness!
Damn.

FOUR, not three but FOUR amazing reasons why a tacky christmas sweater is a must this holiday season. So get out there fellow crazed shopoholics and start stalking some Goodwills!