New Years Dilemma

So I have a major problem.
And I mean major.
More major than "The Great Gatsby" movie getting pushed back another year.
We are talking MAJOR.

I do not have a New Year's Eve outfit.
See. Major issue.

So due to some recent events in my sucky love life it is CLEAR I am in need of a kick ass new year's dress. I mean I am talking a glittered crazed out hot as sin dress in a perfect hue and shade of some amazing color.
You would think with all of the millions of dresses out there it really would not be that hard to find the right one. WRONG. I made you a list of factors:

1. Price. This is problem number one because when you fall in love with a beautiful hip hugging, LBD number it is hard to walk away. It is like Louboutin shoes. They are probably the most perfect pair you have ever seen in your life but when you flip them over and see their $2500 price tag ON SALE you just have to walk away (for those of you who do not know what this is come out from under your stupid rock and google it.) But even for those of us that are recovered shopoholics it is still an extremely hard gesture.

2. Length, yes this should be a factor. It is incredibly hard finding a dress between the lengths of Amish and is longer than your underwear. you do not want to be asked where someone can find the nearest retirement home on new years. That being said you also do not want a prostitute telling me to put some clothes on. Now that is when you know you have some self esteem issues (see Ugly Christmas Sweater blog for more information).

3. Sparkles. If your dress puts Taylor Swift's to shame, you probably have too many.

4. Cleavage ratio. Lets try and keep it classy please. It is embarrassing enough when a celebrity has a nip slip but when you do it is just plain sad. Keep it in your dress please. Pam Anderson should not be your muse on a somewhat dignified holiday.

5.  Color. Honestly just stay away from the pea greens please.

So there you have it. These five factors, along with many others, are what keep me in line with trying to buy a dress. With all of these things constantly plotting against one another the search for a dress because more of a Sparta challenge.

Sorry this post is so short and a little less witty than normal. I am too busy shamelessly searching the internet for that perfect party dress. So far? No luck. It is going to be a long night.

Damn. I forgot one major freaking factor...

6. SHAPE. of the dress of course.
What to pick? Do you want to be super trendy and go for the come back once every ten years peplum? Do you want to play it safe with the always in style but kind of boring A-Line? What about the cutout? And long sleeve or short sleeve??? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO PICK?! AHHHHHHHHHHH.
Commence Stress level through the roof.