I can't feel my face

Well.
IT IS FREAKING COLD.
Seriously.
Even the Russians here are complaining.
This whole "my face is about to freeze off" isn't a joke.

Now the real issue...
How do I look cute and fashion conscious in this type of weather??!
Problems:

1. I look like a massive grizzly bear.
MASSIVE. Having to wear 12 layers does not look cute for anyone. I literally look like a marshmallow 90% of the time here. What happens if I run into prince whatever his name is and he asks me to be his date to the derby and I try to hug him and I can't because I am the site of a small house in theses millions of coats. How awkward would our first kiss be if he. Couldn't even reach me due to all of these crazy layers. My hopes and dreams have been dashed! DASHED I tell you!

2. Ballet flats... NOPE.
I have already managed to make this mistake several times. You would think after walking out the first time and having my pinky toe almost fall off due to hypothermia I would get the hint but noooooooo. I really need harmonies to pop out of nowhere and say "what an idiot" every time I try to put them on(YEAHHHH HP REFERENCE. Haters.). Even the Brits look at me like I have crazy tattooed on my forehead when I walk out in them. Hmmm maybe I a crazy? No. N way. I mean I do twitch occasionally... And my heart races uncontrollably when I pass a store.... Nope. Nuh huh. Damn.

3. Clubbing gear should not consist of a sweater.
This has become a huge issue for me. Why? Come on. It's a club. It is one of those things wear you have to look cute. For example: mandels are a NO. I mean it. If I ever see someone wearing mandels to a club I will personally go up and rip them off of that horrible fashion destroyers feet and bun them to a crisp. Oh god mandels with socks. The horror! Efff make it stop! God, they are so ugly. MANDELS ARE THE WORST INVENTION EVER KNOWN TO MANKIND. Seriously. If I saw Ryan Gosling wearing them I would immediatly start having a panic attack. If he can't pull them off neither can anyone else. Enough said.

Okay clubbing clothes.
Yeah... Clubbing.... I mean I don't go clubbing or anything mom...
What's a club?
Like a club sandwich. FOOD. So. Hungry. Be right back...
NO. Okay. Focus.
CLUBS...

Yeah so wearing a sweater to a club is not okay either. Mostly for the purpose of it getting overheated and passing out on some random gross guy in the middle of some 18 year old infested, hormone driven, hot as balls club. It is super hard to find outfits where you are warm enough outside but cool enough inside. I have worn dresses a few times and almost had my legs free off at the beginning of the night (the end is a different story because by that point you are so hot from dancing your aching feet off you just do not give a single damn about the fact that it is snowing outside).

But wait I don't go to clubs...
Club? Club football?
Seriously guys what is this club everyone keeps talking about

4. My bed is a black hole.
Guys you cannot understand how hard it is to leave that thing in the morning. It is like I am in some kind of extremely codependent relationship here. As much as it sucks I just keep coming back. On that note I guess it could be considered an abusive relationship too because my back is KILLING me but it is just so warm. Like I am the cheese in a grilled cheese where the covers are the toast and it is just so warm in there. I JUST WANT TO FEEL WARM.

5. I look 90
Why Mevy? How could a girl as wonderful, beautiful, and fantastic as you look 90 you wonder.
I wear my fuzzy sheep bathrobe almost all of the times spend in the dorm.
It is fuzzy and has SHEEP on it.
90 year old woman status.
Do not judge. Sheep are actually very cute. With their little "baaaaas" and their little faces and their little ears AHHH! They are so cute! Wittle sheepy sheeps!

So there are a few reasons why this cold sucks.
I completely understand why everyone hardcore day drinks here.
You HAVE to for warmth... Yeah... Warmth...